Tanya Younce, M.Ed., LPCC

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Rediscovering Your Dreams – Part III

Loving Sid Vicious

I know.

I left you waiting for the last part of the Rediscovering Your Dreams trilogy. It’s been months since I published the second part, and I could give you a lot of excuses for why this is late, but what happened was this. After figuring out my dreams and organizing all my ideas, I ran into the very same roadblock that almost everyone faces when it comes to taking ACTION on them.

Self-doubt.

sid2.jpgYeah, that sneaky bastard moved into my head and convinced me that my ideas were just bullshit, and that I didn’t really know how to teach people how to build dreams when I couldn’t even do it myself! It suckered me into believing that I was a fraud and that my voice wasn’t as important as other, more deserving therapists and coaches.

Now I know I mentioned Obstacles that might come up, in my last post, between where you are now and where you want to be, but I think this stage of dream building bears a blog post in and of itself. It’s what I’m going to write about because this very stage is what keeps ALL of us from launching forward with what we truly want, right?

I was about middle-school age when I started hearing that Bastard Voice of self-doubt. Actually, an old friend of mine posted this picture of me on Facebook, not too long ago. I was at her birthday party, back in the 70’s. Seeing this picture, I couldn’t help but remember the shame of how plain, boyish, and uncomfortable I looked. But it was an accurate depiction of how I felt inside — awkward, emotionally fragile, and terribly insecure in the midst of authority figures, social activities like these, and my own voice or opinion about anything.

Fortunately, there were two adults of whom I wasn’t afraid — Brother John and Brother Michael. They were the youth group leaders for our church, at the time, and I thought they were cool as hell. They were all about having fun, being inclusive of everyone, and teaching and modeling how to be decent and confident kids. They loved and accepted ME — not the pianist or the good student — but just me. And they gave me a nickname — Sid. I later learned it was because my choppy, red haircut reminded them of Sid Vicious, the bassist for the Sex Pistols. It seems hilarious to be now (I mean, what Franciscan monks would listen to the Sex Pistols??), but I knew they’d given it to me endearingly. “Hey, it’s Sid!” they’d say with big smiles, when I’d come into the Teen Lounge. They’d each give me a warm hug and I’d settle into the safe place they kept open for me at all times.

What I mean to say here is this. Every child needs a grownup that just loves and accepts the gawky and self-conscious person who is in the process of becoming. It’s the inner voice that doesn’t hold judgment for whether they become something exceptional, beautiful, or even successful. Similarly, working on a dream is a process of developing. You show up and do the best you can, despite the agonizingly self-conscious, pre-teen feelings you have. But here’s the thing — we also have to be the grownup that sits quietly nearby, totally accepting and being compassionate about the blunders and fears that come up during its evolution.

So love and create a safe place for your Sid Viciousness. Take it by the hand and step into the gawky Unknown of your creative dream building.

The creative process (i.e. dream building) is therapeutic in many ways, but the biggest way is in learning to love and accept yourself, even if what you end up with is a bit clumsy, wonky and imperfect. I know it sounds cliche, but this is fucking HUGE. That Bastard Voice comes from well-meaning parents who probably put high expectations on you during your childhood. But the adult version of you can record over that voice and instead give way to encouraging and warmhearted words like “Yeah, you can DO it!”  “This is beautiful! Keep going!” and “It’s okay…it’s all part of the process.”

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Taking ACTION on things that feel in alignment with your soul is what I know to be the real catalyst for positive growth in anyone’s life. Yes, it can be horrifying. And no — you won’t know all the answers or have clear direction sometimes. But, like GPS systems, you’re not going to be given the entire journey at the beginning. You start with “Turn left.” And you need to allow room for happenstance. Don’t be the grownup that already has a hard-wired vision for what your work should look like. If everything is predestined, then you not only feel judged all the time, but you limit yourself to only the outcomes YOU can imagine. Leave space for ideas and results that might go way beyond that!

So love and create a safe place for your Sid Viciousness. Take it by the hand and step into the gawky Unknown of your creative dream building — whatever it might be. Again, show up, do some work, don’t judge, then come back and do some more the next day. Trust that allowing your voice to be heard and your gifts to be shared — while totally accepting everything that comes up — will serve you much better than listening to that paralyzing Bastard Voice of self-doubt.

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